Johny Cash

Look at the photo at the right of Johny Cash flipping someone off. Such anger and pain represented there too. I used to love this picture because it was how I felt. I wanted to flip off the entire world. But just like my angry tattoo on my arm, I will keep this picture here as a testament to how lonely and angry and sad a life lived without God can be. Luckily for Johny Cash, he was raised knowing God and he later found his way home, but it sure was a rough road getting there. I can attest to that.

Kurt Cobain and the despair of a life lived without knowing God.

I came across this photo of Kurt Cobain crying backstage and it struck me that this is the perfect description of a life without God. I always loved Kurt and I know some saw him as some sort of Christ figure. In a way maybe they were right. In that Kurt was able to supremely feel all the hurt, pain and wrongness of the world. He just sensed that all was not right in this world. And he was right about that. But whereas Christ transcended all the pain and suffering, Kurt succumbed to it.

I also came across this short interview with the photographer who took the picture...

Damian Morgan
The Kurt Crying shot was not only voted as one of the top 25 music photos ever, but has recently been voted number 6 in the top 100 rock and roll photographs...how do you feel about that?

Ian Tilton
I feel really honoured. The photo was chosen for a special edition of Q magazine by photographers and journalists. They had thousands of images covering 5 decades of rock music history, so of course I'm very pleased. I knew it was a great shot when I took it, and now it's gone down in history because, of course, Kurt sadly committed suicide.

D.M.
What's the story behind the famous shot?

Ian.T.
This was in Seattle, 1990. He simply came off stage, sat down and cried for about half a minute. Then he was fine. He had just trashed his gear on stage, and it was simply a release of energy. It is a painful picture, but it's about the angst of performance. The band seemed used to it. He seemed very healthy then, and very happy. He was a very powerful and energetic performer, and it was all he wanted to do. The band was his vehicle, the most important thing in his life.

Kurt was in obvious pain, and instead of ANYONE helping him, if anyone around him cared enough to or knew how to, they were snapping pictures and this photographer feels honored to have captured it.

This photo has been voted as one of the top rock music photos ever snapped. Does that say anything at all about rock music? I love rock music, but I am not so blinded as to not be able to see that the answer is yes.

The photographer said that it was just a release of energy after the angst of performance. I don't think anyone around Kurt understood how much he was hurting. Yes, a lot of his pain was physical, as in his terrible stomach ailment, but it was obviously much more than that. He loved what he was doing, he says, but he refers to the angst of performance? The angst of doing what you love? I don't understand. When I go to church and watch the terrific worship music by the house band, I've NEVER seen any of the performers walk off stage and cry like this. Yes there is lots of crying in a great worship experience, but it is not tears of angst, as this picture portrays but instead tears of joy.

The photographer said Kurt seemed very healthy and happy, yet he was able to catch a photo like this? What's wrong with these people? I feel bad for Kurt. He obviously needed help. He obviously needed God.

I have felt exactly like this picture portrays at various times in my life. The picture above on the right is actually a tattoo on my right arm and in many ways it is very similar to the Kurt crying photo. It represents the pain and despair of a life lived without God. Without God life has no meaning and I believe EVERYONE senses this.

I think this also puts to rest the notion that Kurt was perfectly fine until he became famous, a reluctant rock star because as this photographer notes, this picture was taken in Seattle in 1990. I remember that time period because I was 18, 19, 20 years old back then. I remember when Nirvana broke out wide. In 1990, no one outside of Seattle knew who Nirvana was. No, Kurt's pain long preceded his fame.

Anyway, these are just some of my thoughts.

iPod madness?!

Well, I have always said that I would never buy an iPod. Why? I guess it was mostly because I hate bandwagons, crazes, fads, rages, the latest thing, trends, vogue, etc. Everyone was saying that the iPod was the best digital music player in the universe. I did not want to believe that this could be true. I have bought numerous different mp3 players over the years. I have, until now, never bought an iPod. Plus, they are more expensive to boot. Were they really worth it? Or were people just, once again, paying for a name? Was the iPod really superior to, say, a Creative Zen?

Well, damnit, I have gone and done it now. I was at the mall the other day to get new glasses at Lenscrafters, when I thought I would stop into FYE to see if they had any mp3 players. I was looking for any cheap ol' mp3 player to help bide my time with on my upcoming Greyhound trip to Nashville. I was about to purchase a no name $20 2GB piece of shit, when I saw that they had 2nd generation iPod nano's for $80. Originally, a couple of years ago, they sold for $200. I couldn't pass this up? Could I? Maybe this is my chance to see what everyone else already seems to know. I did it. I now own a beautiful grey, albeit 2nd generation, iPod nano. The only major difference I can tell between it and the newer 4th generations is that mine does not do video. So what? I only wanted a music player. It still does photos, has games, contacts, etc.

Guess what? I absolutely love this damn gadget and I don't know how I ever lived without one. Sometimes stubbornness will not get you anywhere. Maybe it's like that book I read a couple years ago, "The Wisdom of Crowds". Maybe the masses were onto something with the iPod. Maybe there is a difference between a fleeting fad and something that is here to stay. Because let me tell you, I don't think anyone is going to knock Apple off of it's pedestal any time soon.

I could tell you all about how the iPod works, how neat it is, how intuitive, how easy to use, how beautiful in design, but I'm sure everyone else in the world already knows all of this. So this is not so much a review of the iPod as it is my story of how I became a late adopter.

I love my iPod so much that I can hardly put it down. The only thing I didn't like were the earbuds because I hate earbuds, they never stay in my ears and they irritate my ears. So I bought a cheap pair of headphones that work great.

I love my iPod so much and am so impressed with it, that I have actually decided that my next computer is going to be a Macbook. Yes, I am sold on Apple. I have done research and have found that you can buy the basic Macbook for $1000. It will take me awhile to save up that kind of money but I think it will be money well spent.

Yes, I'm an apple fanboy now!!!

On the road again with mixed feelings.

Well in a few days I will be at Orientation with Western Express in Nashville and then back on the road. I am both excited and saddened. I know, even if no one else does, that this is the best thing for me and for us right now, but I know that I am going to miss my family like hell. But see, here's the thing. That's normal. I think I figured out my problem with being on the road. I love being on the road. I hate all the bullshit involved, but I love driving and being on my own in the truck. But then I start missing those I love and I think that I can't do this anymore and I end up coming off the road. I have to realize that anyone who goes out on the road and doesn't miss their loved ones, is not normal. It's all part of the game.

Truckers are also not the only ones in this world who leave their families behind for weeks at a time. Hell, military members leave for months at a time. Business men go on business trips and traveling salesmen..well..they travel away from home. We, as truckers, can not think that we are the only ones who do this. We do this for the good of our families, knowing that better times lie ahead.

It's a love hate relationship I have with trucking. I said once that I wished there was a way that I could drive from the east coast to California and still be home for dinner every day. haha. But since that ain't happening, I have to take the good with the bad and make the best of the situation.

So yes, I can't wait to get back on the road, but I'm sad at the same time. I will be alright though. That's what great tunes and the windows rolled down is for. : )

What is a liberal anyway?

I get so tired of hearing certain people bandy the word liberal around as if it's somehow a bad thing. Most of these people don't understand what liberalism really is in the first place. They don't understand that the United States of America was the first liberal country in the world, founded on the principle that "all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights; that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness; that to insure these rights, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed." From wikipedia.
Most of the time the word liberal is used as a pejorative, but what exactly does it mean in today's world to be a liberal, or to be a liberal Democrat, because there are conservative Democrats too. Why do I call myself a liberal Democrat? Easy. I too believe in hard word and individual responsibility, just as conservatives do. We don't believe that anyone should get anything for doing nothing, despite what you may be told to the contrary. We do not believe in equality of results, but we DO believe in equality of opportunity. For example, every one regardless of race, class or money should be able to attain as much of an education as they so choose. Should a black C student get into college over an A white student? Absolutely not. Those two students should have the same opportunity to get into college as the other does, based solely on grades, whether or not his family can afford to pay. What conservatives fail to realize is that by increasing education, you necessarily reduce crime. This is just a fact. Crime is mostly caused by economics, by poverty. If you decrease poverty you decrease crime.
We as liberal Democrats also believe in science and the role that it should play in policy decisions. We believe that one should listen to those with the PhD's in climatology rather than those standing in the pulpit.
We believe that everyone should be able to live their lives free from harrassment of any kind. This great land was created for believers and unbelievers alike. The 1st amendment guarantees that.
We do not believe in rushing into war with money on our minds. We will only come back home with blood on our hands.
I could go on and on and on, and maybe I shouldn't even use the word 'we' when describing what liberals believe. These are just some of what I believe in and why I am a Democrat and why I voted for Obama. I believe that the smart ones should be running the country for a change. I don't believe in greed and money and war and lust and power. And you know what? Neither did Jesus. My lowly opinion is that Jesus' message was more in line with modern liberals than it is with modern conservatives. The modern conservative is the pharisee of Jesus' day. And we all know what Jesus said about them. "Woe be unto them... A brood of vipers." That's what the modern day conservative is. Look at Dick Cheney and everything that he stands for and you tell me with a straight face that he has Jesus on his side.
My ex father in law was a 26 year Navy veteran, enlisted as an enlisted man, retired as a Lt Commander. He has been active in his local American Legion and even served a term as District Commander. He is a proud Reagan Democrat who hasn't voted for a Republican since. He proudly voted for Obama. I'd love for any of these conservative assholes to tell him to his face that he doesn't care about the soldiers. We all care about the soldiers and we all love this country. We just know better how to run it. ha ha

Why there are still apes!

A cousin of mine recently posed the following question on facebook and since this question gets asked a lot, I figured I'd take a stab at it and post my response on my blog too.

A question was recently posed to me. Maybe someone has insight. If apes evolved into humans, why are there still apes?

oooh me!! I can answer this one!! haha First of all, it's better to say that humans evolved from apes, than to say that apes evolved into humans. The latter infers that all apes evolved and hence the confusion as to why we still have apes. Basically, it's for the same reason that pit bulls, poodles, cocker spaniels and every other modern dog breed evolved, with human intervention in the form of dog breeding, from wolves, yet we still have wolves. Another modern example of evolution at work is MRSA, bugs that over time become immune to certain antibiotics. Whenever anyone tells me that evolution is not true, I tell them that I have one word that proves it. MRSA!!! Hope that helps Brent. Does any of this mean that there is no God? Absolutely not. Science says nothing for or against the existence of God. It's mute on the subject, any scientist who claims otherwise is talking out of both sides of his mouth. All science does is explain how things happened. For the rest, we need religion. And I would add, whatever amount of faith we as individuals are able to muster.

Keep on trucking!

I am writing this post with all my family members in mind who are worried about me. This will be short. I know that I have made my fair share of mistakes in this life but I just want everyone to know that all I have ever tried to do was to do what was right and to be happy. All I have ever wanted was to be happy. I know everyone thinks that I do a lot of stupid stuff and that I always seem to be moving backwards, that I never seem to stick with anything for very long and all I have to say is that I know all these things myself. I know what all of my faults are. I live with myself every day. But I'm trying and I am truly doing the best that I can. Apparently I get bored really quickly doing the same thing day in and day out and I always end up screwing up a good thing. All I can do now, after losing my job at the hospital, which really wasn't that good of a job to begin with, is to move on. Trucking may seem like a step backwards to some, others may not understand why anyone would want to do this. All I can say is that I am my own person, I am an individual, and I have my reasons. I can't explain to everyone how my mind works, half the time I don't quite know how my mind works. I just have to keep believing that everything happens for a reason and that everything will work itself out in the end. There has to come a day when I will finally find that happiness for which I so wholeheartedly seek. I don't know where happiness lies, or even if true happiness is even possible in this world. All anyone can ever do is the best that they can. Keep your chin up, keep putting one foot in front of the other and just keep on trucking.

BillyCorgan.com

BillyCorgan.com

I know this is a little dated, but for some reason I am just now coming across it. Great news for us Smashing Pumpkin and Billy Corgan fans. I can't wait. They are one of my all time favorite bands and I love everything that Billy Corgan does. His music is all so beautiful, whether it is hard and rockin' or slow and mellow. I was truly saddened to the core in 2000 when they broke up as a band, but now there is some hope for the future of music.

MediaShift . Video Blog Sellout::Rocketboom Nets $80,000 After eBay Auction | PBS

MediaShift . Video Blog Sellout::Rocketboom Nets $80,000 After eBay Auction | PBS

Wow! Rockeboom, a daily video blog or vlog, is making some serious moola!